The Diary of Delmira
by BlackMoonWhiteSky
Summary: The name Delmira means Noble Protector. Not so sure about the noble bit, but as the oldest Gilbert sibling, Mira's definitely got the protector part down pat. Of course… she's going to have her hands full with the dangerously attractive Damon Salvatore. That's okay though, because he's going to have his hands pretty full when it comes to her, too. OCxDamon


The name Delmira means Noble Protector. Not so sure about the noble bit, but as the oldest Gilbert sibling, Mira's definitely got the protector part down pat. Of course… she's going to have her hands full with the dangerously attractive Damon Salvatore. That's okay though, because he's going to have his hands pretty full when it comes to her, too.

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**AN: I will be incorporating some aspects from the books, such as Damon's ability to shapeshift into a wolf and crow, but for the most part I will be following the show- at least in the beginning. Also, just to set aside any worries, Delmira is not secretly Elena's twin- though they **_are_** sisters, nor is she another doppelgänger.**

**Her physical appearance will be explained in due time.**

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Diary of Delmira

Diary Entry 1: Dear Idiot

* * *

_Dear Whatever-Poor-Idiot-That-Finds-This-One-Day,_

_Firstly: Shame on you for reading someone else's diary, especially since that someone else is a girl._

_Secondly: I hope you get some form of amusement out of this, but if you don't... this is a no-money-back ride. You're just going to have to live with what you get._

_Anyways, let's get this show on the road._

_I'm not much of a diary kind of girl. I mean, I've tried it before, more than once even, but I can't ever seem to stick with it. Lenie says it's because I'm too much of an '_In the moment_' kind of person. I think she's probably right. Once I have a thought, it's over and done- I simply have no patience for revisiting it- especially just to write it down._

_That said, my therapist -_sorry_- _**Life Counselor** _seems convinced that this whole diary thing is a good idea. Says it will help me deal with my grief. _**I**_ think he's full of shit, but if it'll keep Aunt Jenna and the sibs from worrying- I'm willing to give anything a try at least once._

_Grief._

_I don't even know if I _**do**_ feel grief. I think I'm in shock. I must be, because I haven't cried, or screamed, or any of the other things most normal people do when they find out that their parents are dead._

_Dead._

_My parents are dead._

_How am I supposed to respond to that?_

_It's been almost a week since I woke from what was apparently a six month long coma, only to be told that my parents didn't make it. Just Elena. Just me. And there's one thing that I certainly do feel._

_Guilt._

_What the hell kind of big sister am I?_

_Lenie. Jerjer. They've been dealing with this alone._

_God._

_They've been doing this _**without**_ me. They had the funeral without me. They've been dealing with everything on their own. I'm supposed to be there for them, protecting them, guiding them, making sure they're safe and happy and healthy._

_I've completely and utterly failed._

_Aunt Jenna, she's the only one who's come to see me since I opened my eyes. Apparently she's our legal guardian now- it's weird, she was always like more of a big sister. She was the cool aunt; you know- the one who told you to at least wear condoms, and gave you your first sip of alcohol. She was _**that**_ aunt._

_And now she was our guardian._

_I think she's relieved that I'm finally coming home. She's really happy that I'm okay, of course, but I think she's relieved that I'm coming home so that she doesn't have to be the only '_adult_' in the house._

_Not that I am._

_An adult, I mean. I'm only a year and a half older than Elena. Still... I think she'll be glad of the help._

_I..._

_I don't really know what to do..._

_Aunt Jenna... she told me about what's going on at home. How unhappy and apathetic Elena has become- a space case; she's just not _**there**_, not mentally. And Jeremy- he's stopped drawing, he won't talk to anyone... he's been smoking pot. And all they seem to do when they're in the same room together is argue with one another. I haven't been there for them at all- and I don't know how to face them._

_I wasn't even there for their first day of school._

_Auntie J. says things might be getting better for Elena though. She's met a guy. I thought she was dating Mattie, but apparently I slept through their break up._

_It seems that I've slept through a lot of things._

_I wish the doctors had just let me go home the first day I woke up, that would have been better, wouldn't it? At least I could have been at home for Lenie and Jerjer's first day back. But they refused, said they needed to keep me under '_observation_'._

_I don't understand what's wrong with me._

_I'm so weak, so tired. Just getting up to go to the bathroom leaves me feeling like I've been running for miles, _uphill_, in the _**snow**_... Sudden noises send me into a panic- and I think I've been getting flashbacks of the crash... trying to keep an unconscious Elena's head above water for as long as I can... but then it passes, and I can't seem to remember anything at all._

_The doctors say I had exceptionally dangerous cranial trauma when I first came in- I can hear the jokes already. But seriously, it means that there are some things that simply can't be anticipated._

_The brain is a delicate thing._

_I get headaches sometimes, and dizzy spells; they come out of nowhere. It seemed like the doctors would keep me here forever, but today- today I finally get to go _**home**_._

_I can't even begin to explain how much I just want to go home._

_My house, my bed- hell, I can't even wait to go back to _**work**_. The fact that I'm excited about work should really clue you in on how much I don't want to be here. I'd rather be anywhere but here._

-There's a thought. Will I be able to go back to work? Do I even have a job waiting for me? If not, will I be able to find someplace else to work? How long will it take?-

_I can just barely hear Aunt Jenna talking with my doctor in the hall, last minute instructions, I guess. I'm wearing my own clothes. It may seem stupid, but wearing my own clothes makes me feel like a whole new person. And my hair is finally up in a braid._

_Simple things._

_Simple little things that make me feel more like myself again. Make me feel more human. I don't know what I was before, but it definitely wasn't _Delmira Hannah Gilbert_._

_I bet you're kind of wondering why I'm doing this whole diary thing today._

_Why, on the day I finally get out, am I doing something that I don't want to do? Shouldn't I be living it up? Soaking in my freedom?_

_The fact is... I kind of... do want to do it._

_Auntie J.- when she told me that I was going home... she also told me how bad I was when they first brought me in. I think she was simply trying to scare me into not overdoing it when I get home._

_She succeeded._

_And for the first time since I woke up, I've realized just how close to the edge I was. How close I came to _**dying**_. I've realized how long they were waiting- to see if I would die- to see if I would pull through. And I realized that I want to leave something behind to prove that I was alive to begin with._

_Even if it's just some stupid words- in some stupid book- that will probably never see the light of day._

_Until Next Time,_

_The-Oldest-Gilbert_

* * *

Delmira snapped the indigo book shut with a sigh, and tucked both it and the black ballpoint pen she was writing with into her purse. She took a last glance around the room she had been living in for, well, months, before sliding off the bed and padding quietly to the door. "Aunt Jenna?" Her aunt stopped mid-sentence, looking somewhat agitated, and turned to look at her niece. Almost instantly, she was at Mira's side, hands fluttering franticly- clearly unsure of what to do, and spouting concerns. "I'm fine Aunt Jenna, really. I just... are we almost done? I'm kind of hungry, and I really want to go home."

The response was immediate. Shooting a last, aggravated glance at the doctor, Jenna quickly herded Mira out into the car, the younger girl just barely stopping her aunt from buckling her seatbelt for her like a toddler. They were silent as they rode, Delmira cutting glances at the silent woman from the corner of her eye.

"Sooooo... you gonna tell me what that was all about?" Her tone was light, not hinting at the irritation bubbling under the surface.

She was tired of whispered conversations with her doctors out of her hearing range, tired of being kept out of the loop '_for her own good_'. She was also quickly growing tired of being babied, but she would let that slide for now, it was only her first day out, after all.

Jenna smiled a disarming smile and waved a hand, as though brushing the whole matter aside. "Nothing, don't worry about it. Hey, so, Elena texted me. She wanted my permission to have a dinner at the house tonight. Apparently Bonnie isn't a huge fan of Stefan- that's her new boyfriend, so she's arranging it so that they can get to know one another."

Mira's eyes narrowed ever so slightly at the evasion, a tightening at the corners more than anything, but she decided not to push the matter. "Oh? Clever. Although, if Bonnie Bee doesn't like him- that's really not a good sign, she's always been an exceptional judge of character." Her aunt relaxed when she went with the topic change, causing a light frown to briefly appear on Mira's face. "Tonight, you said? Do you think I should stay out? Or can I get away with grilling the new guy at this dinner?"

Her aunt laughed. "I don't think Elena could expect any better from you."

"Hey!" She scowled playfully, "You make me sound terrible. I'm just looking out for my own; it's how I've always been."

"And don't I know it." Jenna responded with a grin and an eye roll.

"Auntie J.!" She lightly shoved her aunt's shoulder with a laugh.

* * *

Delmira was already in the house when Bonnie and Elena walked in with takeout. She grinned at the sight. It was to be expected really, Elena couldn't cook to save her life- possibly even in the literal sense. That said, Delmira could, and she had. Or, at least, she'd started to.

But then she got tired.

And all she had managed to make was a side dish of rice. Although, in her defense, it was some very yummy rice. There was a moment of silence as the two stared at the girl slumped against the counter smiling tiredly at them, a beat of absolute stillness, before Bonnie rushed forward, swooping Mira into a hug. "Oh my gosh! Oh my _**gosh**_! Delmira! You're- Oh my _**gosh**_!"

The girl in question laughed heartily, and returned the hug, deciding not to hold the lack of visits against the hugger. "Good to see you too, Bonnie Bee, seems like forever ago, you know?"

"You're- I just can't believe- I mean-" And another round of frantic hugs commenced.

Mira laughed again, "You're so coherent Bonns, it's astonishing. ...You know, most people require a regular inflow of oxygen in order to remain conscious. I'm pretty a-typical in most areas, but I still need to breath." The response was instantaneous, and had Mira been leaning any of her weight on Bonnie she would have fallen on her rear, as it was- she had to grab at the counter when Bonnie released her.

Delmira turned to her surprisingly quiet sister and was startled to be met with a glare.

Suddenly uncertain, she turned to the still babbling Bonnie with a smile that was forced. She held up a hand to stall the flow of words. "Hey now, I do believe you were in the middle of setting up dinner. Don't even try to get away with avoiding the issue. Something about not liking the new guy? Was that what I heard? I... made some rice." The last was said to Elena, who didn't seem terribly impressed, but at the look from Bonnie, who seemed to have noticed the strange behavior, she forced a smile.

"Thanks, but it won't really go well with what I already got."

"Oh, right. Duh." Palm, meet forehead. "What was I thinking? I should have asked first before making anything at all. Sorry." Delmira watched as Elena's smile fell a little before she forced it back into place. "...Lenie? I really misse-"

"Let's not waste any time. Stefan will be here soon, we still need to set the table and pick up in the living room at least a little bit." Mira suddenly had a really bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. The way Elena was acting... she didn't think it was because her sister didn't know how to deal with her return. It was almost like... Elena didn't want her there.

Elena rushed into the living room to begin the aforementioned pickup, not even looking back when Bonnie didn't follow. Their shared friend worried her lip and tried to hide her confused expression. "She's just- really stressed about this Stefan thing. She wants me to like him..."

"Why don't you?"

"What?"

"Why don't you like him?"

Bonnie shrugged, looking suddenly uncomfortable. "I've just... got a bad feeling, you know?"

Their eyes met, Mira studying her carefully. "Yeah, I know what you mean. There are just some people... Something about them is just... off- it's hebee-jeebee inducing... Look, I trust your judgment Bonnie, but you know- Lenie's got a good head on her shoulders, too. I'm not saying that you should completely disregard your own feelings, just- keep an open mind."

"An open mind- yeah, I think I can do that." Delmira beamed, getting a grin in return- though it was reluctant. "It's good to know you're okay Delmira, I've missed you a lot. You_** are**_ okay, aren't you?"

Dry amusement. "Peachy."

Bonnie laughed. "Good. I better go help Elena, before she decides to clean the whole house and forgets about the important bit- the food."

Mira waved a dismissal, "Don't let me stop you. I need to rest for a bit, then I'll come and help."


End file.
